It's understood, that I'm not understood.

Farana photoshoot 2016 - Montreal

It's understood, that I'm not understood.

When will the day come, when I'm understood?

Communication classes, workshops, conferences and training programs...

All tools I invested in to improve my ability to understand and be understood.

All hours I bathed in, to ease relations and be able to connect.

Alas, I realized, that for every person I know, there is a different version of me.

Those versions exist in many ways out of my control.

In many ways they exist, within my power to decide my very look and approach.

Some consequences of other peoples wrong perceptions of both my intended positive actions and negative mistakes.

Others out of a conscientious behavior that I justified in front of its receivers.

Both, for which I have no regrets, only lessons learned to increase growth or assurance.

My journey to be understood, and to understand, what I do, how and why?

How you relate to me, how much of that is not related to me?

Where, what and when do our paths influence each other for our personal gain or when do they cross paths merely to destroy us again?

This is the quest I seek to end.

Perhaps my obsession in understanding and being understood is under ratted.

Maybe it's a reflection of an insecurity?

Or perhaps a sneak peek into my soul's obscurity?

Perhaps my self confidence isn't what I thought it was?

Maybe a little being inside me still cries and demands?

Maybe my inner child needs affirmation?

Or can it be, maybe, between you and me.

I love you all so much, it hurts to be misunderstood.

Those obstacles in our interpretations, lead me to seek validation, because you matter to me!

I want to get along, live in peace and sky rocket into our family dreams!

Most days I feel this is my true reality, until I'm confronted with your harshness and disregard.

Why is it so easy for you to neglect and overlook me?

I feel I'm beautiful inside and out, with all my pedals, thorns and imperfect ways.

My heart is big and my love endless, in front of your harsh attitude and disdain.

Your bittersweet motion leaves me with an awful taste in my mouth.

And than a thought occurs to me, am I filtering all of you through a broken lens?

Was I wrong all this time?

Cold shivers creep down my spine...as I ponder on that very nasty possibility.

Accountability is at the fore front of my ability.

But have I excused the sunrise of truth for a mere mirage in this crazy world?

I loose myself in my thoughts, imagining all the possibilities, how, why and where I went wrong.

This deliberate rumination has me at the brake of starvation, until I let it go...

Yes, I want to be understood, accepted, celebrated and loved.

But damn, until what end?

For my peace of mind, and soul's rest, I now say...

It's understood, that I'm not understood.

When will the day come, when I learn to simply not care to be understood?

Written by Animsay